Your Consolations Cheer My Soul

I cried for joy this morning when I read this verse. It describes exactly how I feel.

Psalms 94:17-19

If the Lord had not been my help,

my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, “My foot slips,”

your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many,

your consolations cheer my soul.

I’ve said many times how undone I would be without The Lord. Before Brayden’s surgery I ran into a friend from church who said she not only felt peace, but joy while in the waiting room during her son’s surgery. That’s been the biggest and most delightful surprise of this trial. Settling into the peace of God like my warm bed, and finding joy and refreshment in the desert.

We met with Dr. Muhonen yesterday and he said Brayden’s incision is healing the best he’s ever seen! High five Blake, Nana and Popi for all the late nights and changing our clothes 5x a day. Blake refers to this role more as a janitorial position! 🙂 He also said Brayden’s reflexes still look perfect and that he’s very pleased with the outcome. Praise God! He also confirmed that Brayden’s scar will grow with him and remain about half the size of his back. That doesn’t bother us a bit. In fact, we love that it will always serve as a reminder of God’s love, faithfulness, protection and deliverance. Every time we go to the pool or beach, we’ll get to share our testimony of God’s love with others! Plus, Blake says chicks dig scars right?

As we drove to his appointment yesterday, God showed me another territory in the promise land for me to conquer. While I’n enjoying God’s peace most days, I feel  anxious before Brayden’s appointments. The next 18 years will consist of checkups to ensure nerve damage has still not happened. My heart is so tempted to fear before each one, as I forget His abundant grace that has and will carry us through all of life’s trials. You can pray for God to help give me victory in this area.

This journey has also taught us to be more thankful. Every time we go to Dr. Muhonen’s office, kids with serious disabilities are in the waiting room. Yesterday we acknowledged what a burden Dr. Muhonen carries seeing the hardest cases every day. He said it’s great until kids die. In the waiting room we met a Dad whose son was three years free of  a brain tumor. Dr. Muhonen’s partner did his surgery and said, “I don’t like cutting into kids heads for a living, but I’m good at it, so I do it.” What a beautiful sacrifice to walk alongside the most painful trials to bring healing and hope. Would you join me in praying for these doctors? That God would sustain them, grant them special peace and settle their hearts with the hope of heaven, where there will be no more suffering.

Yesterday, Dr. Muhonen took this picture of Brayden. He said, “Oh he looks so cute we have to take a picture.” 🙂

Sustained in the Wilderness

I think often of the Israelites wandering through the wilderness during this trial. On their journey of learning total dependence on The Lord, he magnificently rained manna upon the Israelites. Yet He warned them not to store up extra, but instead wait expectantly for tomorrow’s miracle, with the exception of the Sabbath. In modeling how to pray, Jesus said, “Give us this day, our daily bread.” God gives us grace and provision for today and I am instructed not to store up or worry about tomorrow.  Likewise, Israel’s clothing did not wear out during their 40 year journey through a harsh, hissing desert. As Blake rubbed my back the other night, he said my muscles feel the most relaxed he’s ever felt. I was shocked. I can’t tell you how many awkward positions we’ve been holding!! 😉 God gently reminded me of this verse: Deuteronomy 8:4

“Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years.” I felt so sustained that God would consider and protect the smaller details of my heart.

As I write this, God is convicting my heart as well. Soon Israel took God’s miracles for granted, grumbling about the lack of culinary variety. I feel my human heart easily slipping toward self reliance and unthankfulness. Would you pray we remain in the word to be feed by the Spirit and reminded of His hand that sustains and provides? God warned:

“Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today, lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, who led you through the great and terrifying wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth. ’ You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day. And if you forget the Lord your God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish. Like the nations that the Lord makes to perish before you, so shall you perish, because you would not obey the voice of the Lord your God.” Deuteronomy 8:11-20. It’s frighteningly easy to take credit and glory for God’s good work. As people compliment how God is sustaining us through this trial, there are times I have given into the temptation to take God’s glory. I’m sorry Father. As I confess this sin, you can join me in praying for humility and dependence.

During labor I listened to “Oceans” by Hillsong on repeat. She sings, “Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you will call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior.” (We’ve actually heard this song come on the radio during several moments of struggle through this time.)  I constantly put borders around where I want to trust God. “God I trust you with this, but not with this. Ill let you have this one, but ill just hold on to this for a while. I’m not sure you can handle this one.” It’s honestly good for me to write it out so I can see how ridiculous it sounds.

I feel God giving us victory in these areas as we approach the promise land. However, the Israelites didn’t walk into all the land God had given them. They left unclaimed territory and victory. Let us prayerfully pursue full victory in God’s promises for our lives, rejecting the heart of unbelief that angered God and caused them to wander 40 unnecessary years. They looked at the giants of the Promise Land that needed to be conquered, instead of the almighty God who promised to deliver them. As we embark on an 18 year journey to trust God with the outcome of Brayden’s health, pray we might conquer the promise land with hearts of belief, not leaving any territory behind. Please pray our peace in the unknown will be a testimony and witness that leads others to Christ. 1 Peter 3:15 “but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect…”

You can also pray for grace as we run on very little sleep. It’s so easy for me to be impatient, short, selfish and unkind in the middle of a sleepless night. Brayden’s tummy is getting better, but still struggling with a bit of diahrrea from the antibiotics. You can pray for him as well.

Much love!

Deuteronomy 8:1-6

Chapter 8

Remember the Lord Your God

 “The whole commandment that I command you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land that the Lord swore to give to your fathers. And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you. So you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him.”

Abba Father

After posting about validating Brayden’s pain in the hospital, someone commented about how God also cries for his children. God has been showing me that what I feel toward Brayden, He feels toward me. A few weeks before Brayden’s surgery, I told him, “You are going to have a surgery soon. It’s going to gives you some ouchies, but I wouldn’t let you go through it unless it was worth it.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I started crying. God feels the same way for me.

During this time, I started thinking of all the verses that show God’s fatherly love for us. Our Abba Father created us, delights in us, and loves us beyond measure.

God comforts us.

Isaiah 66:13

As one whom his mother comforts,

so I will comfort you;

you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

He sings over us.

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is in your midst,

a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

he will quiet you by his love;

he will exult over you with loud singing.

He thinks of us constantly.

Psalms 139:17-18

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

He knows our every weakness and still loves us more than we could imagine.

Hebrews 4:13

And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

(I’ve always felt more loved by The Lord knowing He sees my every weakness and knows my sin, and still accepts me fully since I’m covered by the precious blood of Jesus.)

He prays for us.

Romans 8:33-34

Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.

He forgives us.

Psalms 103:12

as far as the east is from the west,

so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

He disciplines us.

Proverbs 3:12

for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,

as a father the son in whom he delights.

He has deep compassion for us.

Psalms 103:13-14

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame;

he remembers that we are dust.

He cries for us.

Isaiah 63:9

In all their affliction he was afflicted,

and the angel of his presence saved them;

 in his love and in his pity he redeemed them;

 he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.

He prepares delightful surprises for us.

1 Corinthians 2:9

But, as it is written,

 “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared for those who love him”—

He carries us through deep trials and suffering.

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

Then I said to you, ‘Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.

(This is my favorite! What a beautiful, tangible image if God carrying us.)

He waits expectantly to connect with us.

James 4:8

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double- minded.

He knows you in every way and you are so valuable to him.

Matthew 10:29-31

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

He created us uniquely and perfectly.

Psalms 139:13-14

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

He delivers us.

2 Corinthians 1:3-11 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation. For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us, you also helping together in prayer for us, that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the gift granted to us through many.

(I love how God has, is and will deliver us! 🙂

He has great plans for us.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

(This was Brayden’s surgery verse.)

He understands our weaknesses.

Hebrews 4:15

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.

He helps us!

Hebrews 4:16

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

He desires to nourish and strengthen us.

1 Peter 2:2-3

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

He sacrifices for us.

John 3:16

For God So Loved the World

 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Quick prayer request

Poor baby is in more pain from his diahrrea than his back. Pray for God to settle him yummy. Such a delicate balance. More frequent poop helHellenes his incision clean but too much makes him so uncomfortable. Pray for the perfect balance. It’s moments like these I submit to and trust gods ultimate wisdom.

Prayer Updates

God has been taking care of us so graciously. we are depending on Him every moment. We’ve had to change his dressings about 5x so far bc poop gets onto his gauze. This is going to be a long 3 weeks until this scar is healed. But god has been protecting us!

We tried an open diaper so that poop would go out instead of up with a blanket under him bum. Right when we did that the poop flood gates opened. If his diaper had been closed it would have for sure been in the incision. Blake got a Poop bath this morning though. He was literally outside holding him over the grass!! 🙂 Pray God gives us wisdom to improve how we apply the plastic dressing so poop stays out better. Also pray for the incision to stay clean of infection. So far it is healing beautifully. Pray for Brayden’s tummy. He has diarrhea and is pooping constantly and his tummy is hurting him.  Every time we change his dressing he screams, turn red, sweats, and urinates everywhere. Please pray for God to miraculously calm him while we change it. It kills me but its better than an infection.  Also pray for God to protect him from spinal column fluid leaking. It would be a trip to the ER.

Pray for energy. When I try to fall asleep while someone is holding him, I hear him screaming and crying and I have a hard time dozing off. He’s not actually crying, but I think I’mhearing it. (Like the second hunger games where people hear their loved ones in distress.) Pray for Blake for rest and physical strength and emotional healing. Also pray for energy. We hold him 24 hours a day on our chest so poop falls down instead of up. It also allows us to be awake so we can hear as soon as the poop starts. We take turns sleeping for 2-3 hours at a time. If we weren’t at my mom and dads we wouldn’t be surviving right now.

We  feel like we’re in the wilderness, approaching the promise land, desperately reliant on The Lord for provision, protection and direction. it feels good to feel His closenes.

Deuteronomy 8:2-10
And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you. So you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills, a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive trees and honey, a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.

Home Sweet Home

We are home! Praise God. He is so good, faithful, merciful and gracious.

I honestly can’t believe how quick babies heal. Our baby is still very tender, but we prayerfully reached the point where the hospital wasn’t as healing as home sweet home. Our babes is just taking normal Tylenol, eating with a hearty appetite and sleeping well!! The biggest recovery challenge is the fact that his incision, which is a little shorter than the height of an iPhone, starts right above his butt crack. Poopy diapers could easily get into the gauze  dressing. To help avoid this, we hold him 24/7 so we can hear the rumbles starting and run straight to the changing table. It also allows us to let him sleep peacefully on his stomach against our chest. Being on his tummy also helps keep his diaper contents lower.When lying on his back things migrate up more easily.

We’re staying at my parents for extra helping hands.

Isaiah 63:9
In all their affliction he was afflicted,
and the angel of his presence saved them;
in his love and in his pity he redeemed them;
he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old. (Thanks Melinda)

Isaiah 66:13
As one whom his mother comforts,
so I will comfort you;
you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

We All Need Validation

Sweet babes is sleeping after eating 5 times and smiling at us for the first time! Seeing that little grin was an answer to my prayers for God to protect his heart and spirit.

The first night was much harder than we had anticipated. Turns out Brayden has mommy’s high tolerance to pain medication.  He was on 2.5x the normal amount of morphine they give babies and still whimpering with every breath. At one point, we had to turn on bright lights and put in a catheder and a Tylenol suppository. Just the lights sent him into hysterics, with a dry, raspy cry from the surgery’s breathing tubes. I started sobbing over his face, and I said, “let mommy cry for you my sweet baby. Mommy is so sad with you. If you had words, you would say I’m scarred mommy! Why are they doing this! This hurts! My back hurts, my thoat is scratchy, there are needles in my arm! I’m sad, confused, angry and in pain!” As my tears trickled down his cheeks, his crying stopped. He did not cry once during the catheder insertion or suppository. Even a 3 month old needs to feel understood, seen and validated. I was honestly shocked how much The heart settled his heart with the tears of mom and dad. It was one of the most special moments of this stay.Praise be to him.

Better Today

Our little bear is so much better today. Still very passed out from the medicine, but slowly opening his eyes. He is just on Tylenol now and he just ate!! Praise The Lord! His heart rate is much lower now and his oxygen is much higher!

We feel SO thankful to have a sleeping, eating baby! We feel so sustained by your prayers. Hugs!

Hard Recovery

Our poor baby is finally sleeping. He whimpered, moaned and cried all day. This recovery has been harder than I ever could have imagined.

We had a hard time finding the right pain medication to get him comfortable. After trying 3 different forms of morphine and one dropping his oxygen level to 30, tylenol with codine finally did the trick. Praying he can get enough sleep to want to eat. Almost at the 24 hour mark of hardly any food. Also needing help with a catheder to urinate bc of all the heavy narcotics. Our little boIsis so brave and God is with us during this heavy trial. We can feel your prayers. Love you.

Praise God, the great Physician!!

Praise God! Surgery is done! Met with dr and he said it went great. He is as certain as a human could be that Brayden will walk!! He said his spinal cord is untethered and floating in every direction. He also said every nerve he stimulated has full function!  He said that a neurogenic bladder is the only risk, but it doesn’t happen to everyone. Time will tell god knows. Can’t wait to go see my baby. Love you all. We are humbled by your committed prayers and support!!